I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
