Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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