I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
