you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
