If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
