Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
