oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
