Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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