Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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