You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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