Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
