he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
