Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
