Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize