I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
BRING THE BAGELS
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
