I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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