All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
