Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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