is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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