Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Everclear isn't food dammit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
