did you get engaged???
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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