Im at strip club and am horny
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I smell like Dick and happiness
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
