I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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