alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
