My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
