I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
