I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
