I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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