i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
