We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
