If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize