I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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