omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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