How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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