I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i will never coherently bang her
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
