dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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