i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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