It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
