So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
