We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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