I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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