I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want to have your abortion
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
