Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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