so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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