just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
