her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize