I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
