this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
