so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
