Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
