Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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