Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
