you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
