Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
