that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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