...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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