1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
