Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
3pm strippers are depressing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
