You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
