Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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