help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
