The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
worst night to have a conscience
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
