We won't sleep together?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
