Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize