just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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