Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize