puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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