i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
