He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
