Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
