zippers are such a cool invention
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
