i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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